Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
