I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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