Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
