i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
