I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
