the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
