if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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