God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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