R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
