but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize