You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
