its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
