I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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