I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
