So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
