I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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