i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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