he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize