The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
