I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
