Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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