I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
