Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
