you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My cat gives me a boner
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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