if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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