I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
