The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
