Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
