Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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