Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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