I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
there is puke in my bra ... again
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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