I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
