I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
