I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
