I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
