I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
