i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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