I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
