Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize