I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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