Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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