totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
