So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
