Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
