made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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