That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
