I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
