Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
