anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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