A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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