Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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