when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize