I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
