Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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