her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
