And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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