Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
