My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
