allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
