summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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