Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
