oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
