did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
