Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
