That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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