Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
