Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
