Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
