This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
