Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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