fuck your aforementioned shoe
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
