I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize