woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just sucked dick on a ferry
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
