guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
