Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
