My room smells like vodka and shame
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
