so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
