YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
