K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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