Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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