The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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