She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
