My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
