life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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