I faked an abortion last night.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize