you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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