I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
