this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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