If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
