Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
