Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize