I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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