whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
