So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i've created a new STD.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize