Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
