1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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