Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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