You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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