Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
