There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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