she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
