I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
